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We've been close companions for more than 20 years, a person who's overcome numerous obstacles, which I admire. However, she has been constantly blindsided by others. Her partner left her, and it was a huge shock. Several of close acquaintances vanished during that time, as they were only interested in him. This surprised her deeply. She made increased attention toward our bond, and must have grasped more clearly the essence of true friendship.

The Pattern In Relationships

Throughout this period, quite a few in her circle have disappeared leaving her knowing the cause. Her previous job turned on her, despite the fact that she was an excellent employee, her exit happened not understanding why things shifted.

Present Situation

In recent times, we have each retired leading to more each other more, yet I realize my position between us is as the audience. I introduce topics of conversation and she changes the talk toward her own topics. In terms of politics, she holds firm beliefs. I attempt to propose factchecking and different perspectives.

She's been planning a trip abroad I know well many times and resided in previously. My intention was to offer insights, but this was unappreciated. She purely just desired my agreement with her plans. I have returned from a month in that country she hopes to reconnect, however, I hesitate.

Evaluating the Situation

I am unwilling to be a friend who abandons suddenly without a word, however, I feel she can understand the impact of her actions on how I feel about myself. Currently, I find myself in distancing myself. What should I do?

Ways Forward

It's possible to walk away, but it is rarely the easy answer we imagine. However, addressing it with the goal of resolution demands strength and openness from both people.

Experts suggest applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step is to state the usual pattern when you talk. It should be based on facts and basically an unbiased account. Step two is to tell her how it makes you feel. Ideally, there's no dispute here. Your feelings are valid, after all. Step three is to question how you are both going to change the pattern of your friendship."

Remember your friend has her own side, so you need to stay open to hear that. One effective method is telling her:

"Now you talk and I'm going to not say anything for a set time."

It's remarkably successful to encourage better communication.

Final Thoughts

She may dismiss your concerns, since certain individuals cling to a “survival narrative”: they rely on a narrative of their life they cannot release since their identity relies on it and it represents they trust. This is difficult when there seems no clear path here, only cul-de-sacs. But she may start out like this before reflecting about what you've said. And should you don't achieve a fix, it will give you satisfaction knowing you were truthful.