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This period signifies a full decade since the term “vanishing” hit the common lexicon. At the time, the idea that someone could abruptly cease all contact with a romantic interest without explanation seemed like the pinnacle of rudeness. How naive we were. In the decade since, navigating toward a significant other has only become more perplexing – an oftentimes pointless pursuit in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by social media lingo.

Zoomers, a demographic who came of age during a social isolation crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a widespread challenge on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic terrain than their Gen Y predecessors could ever envision. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown longer and more deranged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” straining the limits of your sanity.

The following list is a detailed breakdown to the terms this generation is using to navigate love, sex and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most enduring memes, by the end of this guide you’ll yearn to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – In the view of gen Z, romance's ideal is showing up as your true, unfiltered self. You'll need it with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A online phenomenon inspired by a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your partner’s reaction is engaged or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while radiating mystery and independence. (She might still have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This signifies going for someone who supports you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would get a chair for you to sit down.

Choremance – A date where two people bond while doing chores, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do low-cost dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Crashing out – Losing it when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or breakup, dumping all of your unreciprocated feelings.

D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 80s yuppie excess, it refers to partners who choose against parenthood to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The opposite of acting aloof: practicing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Signals

• Warning signs – Behavioral habits indicating a potential partner is not right. Such as calling their former partners crazy, bad gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Green flags – These quirks validate your choice to date a partner. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, having a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe specific, mostly harmless quirks. Such as being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their wallet, paying the rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who loathes the same things or people that you do (few things builds intimacy faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A band many young men likes.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon boyfriend who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully delaying climax so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women's increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An archetype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Icks – Random and often mundane repulsions that instantly kill any sense of interest.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an incredibly romantic display.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in sectors they perceive as being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, educators or therapists.

K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16 million years. But the era of locking lips may be numbered since some gen Z desire fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy believable.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {